There is a lot to be said for judging guys based on their actions and not the way they look. Unless those actions include putting on any of these 10 horrific pieces of clothing. Red flag! RED FLAG!
1. Cargo Pants: Cheater
Those pockets are full of secrets and lies. Especially lies! Even if he never cheats IRL, he’s definitely a cheater in his own mind, it’s just that those cargo pants stop most women from even considering him. He’s probably a hoarder too. Turn out those pockets and I bet you’ll find more garbage than useful stuff. Do you really want to be in a relationship with a lying, cheating hoarder? Red flag.
2. Vest: Commitment-phobe
It’s one thing if the vest is part of a suit (it’s cheesy, but then, so are most dudes). It’s quite another if he’s just wearing the vest on its own. How the hell do you expect a man to commit to a mature monogamous relationship when he can’t even commit to sleeves? Red flag!
3. Contrasting Shirt Cuffs: Mansplainer
Dudes wear this stuff because they think it’s stylish, when in reality, garish details like these are the very antithesis of style. Don’t try to tell him that though. He’s not here for that. He knows best. He always knows best. About everything. Even when he doesn’t know a damned thing. Red flag!
4. Backward Sunglasses: Wannabe
You know why dudes do this? Because some douchebag they know does it and they want to be just like him. It’s a pack thing. I guarantee you that when you find the other guy in his life who wears his sunglasses like this, you won’t like him. And why would you want to spend time with a guy who idolizes someone you don’t like? Red flag!
5. Hat: Arrogant
Dudes know that hats are, at best, tricky and should thus generally be avoided. But guys who love hats always think they are the exception to the rule. They’re not. They’re the examples that prove the rule.
Baseball caps and beanies are one thing — cowboy hats are fine too, provided that the dude in question is an actual cowboy — but anything else (fedoras, Kangols, and trappers to name but a few) is just the cherry on top of a big shit sundae. Red flag!
6. Fur Coat: Misogynist
I don’t care what a guy says, if he’s not an Inuit living in the Arctic, the reason he’s wearing that fur coat is that he thinks it makes him look like a pimp — aka a man who enslaves and traffics women and children for sex. Pimps are not people to look up to in any way, shape, or form, and any guy who does is a garbage person who doesn’t respect women and should be avoided at all costs. Red flag!
7. Shoe Lifts: Can you say “Napoleon Complex”?
It’s not about him being short. Some dudes are short. It’s about the fact that he is so insecure about being short that he has to wear lifts. A man like that needs constant validation to feel good about himself, his relationships, his job, etc., and if he doesn’t get it, he’s going to act out. Is that really something you want to deal with? Red flag!
8. Five-Toe Shoes: Brat
Even in this topsy-turvy world of high-fashion Crocs and Ugg-Teva hybirds, the five-toe shoe remains the most incurably ugly piece of footwear on the planet. This is not a matter of opinion, but a cold, hard fact. Any dude who chooses to wear them, despite their obvious hideousness, is clearly just doing so to prove that he can. Because he’s a grown-up and he can do what he wants! You can’t tell him what to do. You’re not his mom! Not that she ever told him what to do either. The little brat.
Of course, if you like the idea of spending fruitless hours begging your guy to do simple things like wear an actual tuxedo to your sister’s formal wedding instead of a tuxedo-printed graphic T-shirt, then by all means, date away. If not … Red flag.
9. Shark Tooth Necklace: Player (With No Game)
The only thing worse than a player is a bad player. Why even bother? Red flag!
10. “Wife Beater”: All-Around Shithead
This isn’t about a tank top. It’s about the phrase a man uses to describe a tank top. If that phrase is “wife beater,” then you better run for the hills. Domestic violence is a serious issue, and dudes who choose to reference such vile and inexcusable violence against women when describing a piece of clothing are not to be trusted. These are not good guys. This is 2016. They should know better, and in fact, they do know better. They just choose not to let it affect them or their actions. Red flag! Major fucking red flag!
