More often than not, men get branded as the perpetrators of the much stigmatized “u up” text, but women send them too. Here’s what goes through his head when that happens.
1. “Logistically, what’s the fastest way I can get over there?” This guy could’ve bombed the math section of his SATs, but the second he gets that message, he’s calculating the fastest route at this time of night, if he can make it there on what he has left in his gas tank, and if he needs to factor in wind resistance. He might even wind up talking himself out of going over there, depending on your history, but the first thought is always going to be about how quickly he could be having sex.
2. “Is she going to sleep by the time I get there?” If an invite is on the table, and it’s late at night, it’s entirely possible he’s going to show up and you’ve already passed out. And then he can either drive all the way back home or creepy lurk outside yours. If he’s smart, he’ll choose the former. “I’m sorry officer, I just wanted to have sex,” isn’t a great excuse when it’s 4 AM and a cop is wondering what he’s doing hanging around the apartment complex.
3. “How much do I love sleeping?” Sunk costs have to be considered. How late is it? Does he need to be up early tomorrow? Did you two hook up recently? He can always jerk off and roll over and go to sleep, but he can’t get back all those missed hours he could’ve spent lying in bed. It’s not likely he’ll choose sleep over sex… but it’s feasible.
4. “Ideally, she should be coming over here.” It’s only fair. You instigated things. You got him all riled up. And it’s 2017, this isn’t about chivalry. Unless he lives at home or in a tent or something, you should just make your way over there.
5. “Should I send a dick pic?” It’s a question that needs to be asked. Not everyone appreciates a dick pic, even when it feels like the moment is right. And “do you want a picture of my dick?” tends to ruin the moment, even if the answer is “yes.” So it’s a bit of a gamble here. The smart move, obviously, is some light sexting or a somewhat revealing picture. Never go all-in right away.
6. “Well, I’m out to dinner with my parents, so…” If he gets a text at an inappropriate time, he has two options: ignore it until later, or risk his mom getting a glimpse of him hammering away on his phone in the middle of typing out “I want you to sit on my face.” There’s no real hard data to back this up, but it’s probably about 50/50 which direction he goes with it.
7. “Well, now I’m horny.” It doesn’t take a lot to get him going. And if he’s in a situation where he can’t do anything about it (say, in class or at work) now you just gave him a boner and he has no escape. Think before texting.
8. “What if this is a stranger?” Is this likely? Has this even happened? What if there’s an off-chance some stranger found your phone and is sitting in a dark alleyway asking him if he’s up?
9. “I should not have just masturbated.” Hopefully the drive over there is longer than his refractory period.