Have you ever wondered how some of the longest-lasting couples you know just seem to be better equipped and able to deal with conflict in a more mature way?
I know I have!
Let’s face it, having a healthy relationship is rarely easy and completely argument-free.
To find out their secrets on growing both as people and romantic partners, withinnigeria team went on a fact finding mission and these are the result to our findings:
1 Compliment Your Partner.
According to psychologist and dating coach, Samantha Rodman – “Couples in healthy relationships talk positively about one another to friends, kids, relatives, even coworkers. This is the opposite of undermining behaviors that characterize less functional relationships. Just saying, ‘My husband is handy,’ or ‘Mommy always makes the best dinners’ can be automatic and is a great way to maintain connection and closeness.”
2. Create Time For Yourselves
Time is an integral part of any relationship. Time is an essential element in live, for it importance can not be overly emphasized. Dr. Kurt Smith a therapist who specializes in men counseling said and i quote :“People in healthy relationships have regular times in their day-to-day routine to connect with each other. I’ve seen couples do this by walking the dog together, talking after the kids go down, watching their favorite shows or praying together.”
You must make time to connect with each other no matter how busy live gets.
3. Share Laughter
Laughter is the best medicine. Hence, what better person to share it with but your partner.
According to psychologist Dr. Marie Land, “My husband and I laugh a lot. To the point where it’s difficult to be too upset for very long because one of us will usually do something to lighten things up. Topics can and should be serious when needed but having a sense of humor is a tremendous asset if you want to be in a healthy relationship. People that laugh a lot and generally just don’t take things too seriously can more easily enjoy a healthy relationship.”
4. See The Good In Them
It is of great importance to always see the good in your partner, appreciate them for their positive qualities instead of mumbling on the negatives.
Aaron Anderson marriage and family therapist noted: “As a marriage counselor, I see couples on my couch who have a lot to complain about when it comes to their marriage. But for the most part, they have the same problems as just about every other couple. The healthiest couples don’t focus on complaints. Instead, they look at the good things their spouse does and they make it a point to not hold back in their expressions of gratitude for each other.”
5. Practice Empathy
By regularly putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, you learn to be sympathetic towards them.
According to Karri Carrol, couples’ therapist and i quote:
“By doing this, couples are often able to overcome the misunderstandings that commonly occur in all relationships. This conflict management skill helps people in my office feel heard, understood and valued when their partner can genuinely say, ‘I may not agree with you but I understand you and can see how it felt that way.’’
6. Communication
Communication is key. Always tell your partner what’s up. Tell them what time you’ll be home if you know you’ll be late.
A frequent bone of contention in conflicted relationships is when one partner feels out of the loop or unprioritized. A simple call or text to say when you’ll be home from work or from a girls night out helps your relationship thrive and makes your partner feel secure.
7. Flirt With Each Other
Flirting is a unique way for a couple to show love and excitement for each other and have fun doing it. When couples stop flirting, the relationship gets bland and boring. The healthiest couples still flirt with each other ― and they do it a lot.
8. Keep Your Fight Minimal
This means no name-calling, labeling or disparaging remarks about your partner whether you’re together or not. I often hear partners use sarcasm, biting comments or little put-downs with each other and then brush them off with a justification like, ‘I was just joking.’ Partners in healthy relationships practice being loving and respectful with each other always.
9. Forgive And Move on
Never never keep grudges with your spouse.
A disagreement isn’t followed by emotional distance. Both partners own their mistakes, apologize and move on. They actually have time to enjoy their lives together even if an hour earlier they were disagreeing about something.