If you’re in a long-term relationship, you probably think you have a pretty good idea of what makes your partner come.

But if you’re under the impression that your mate is having an orgasm every time you have sex, you might be mistaken, my friend.

According to a recent study out of Brigham Young University, just 49% of married women said they consistently experience orgasm during sex, compared to a whopping 87% of married men.

The study looked at data from 1,683 heterosexual newlywed couples. The men and women were separately asked about personal orgasm frequency, their perception of how often their partner orgasms, and their relationship and sexual satisfaction.

The researchers found that 43% of dudes “misperceived how often their wives experienced orgasm” – in other words, they struggled to determine whether their partners had come.

A quarter of the guys in the study thought their wives had orgasms more than they actually did, according to the Guardian. (It’s unclear whether the women were telling their partners they had orgasms every time they had sex, or if men just weren’t able to identify the telltale signs of female orgasm, like heavy breathing, swelling nipples, quickening heart rate, etc.)

Closing the “Orgasm Gap”

Based on the findings, it looks like the so-called “orgasm gap” – the proven disparity between the frequency of orgasms had by straight women and men – is still alive and well. That’s obviously no fun for your female partner, but it isn’t great news for you, either. If your partner wants to get off, but it’s never happening, do you think she’s going to be satisfied with your relationship sex life?

Answer:

And guess what, guys? Making a woman come can even boost your self-esteem and mental health.

Don’t just ask her if she had an orgasm as an afterthought. Ask her what feels good for her; only a quarter of women regularly orgasm from vaginal intercourse, so it’ll behoove you to experiment with stimulating her clitoris. Try some different techniques with your tongue. Incorporate toys. Go wild!