Being cheated by someone you love very dearly can be devastating. Can you imagine how it must feel when a person gets cheated and lied to by their partner, with whom they had dreamt to spend their entire lifetime?
Generally speaking, the issues that lead to cheating fall into one of two categories: There’s either a problem with the relationship or a problem with the individual. Cheating is generally a symptom of relational problems, however, most times, it is indicative of an individual’s problem.
Men Cheat!
Though both men and women cheat, statistics reveal that more men than women have confessed to having affairs after marriage. Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, says Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and a marriage and family therapist.
That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of men cheat at some point in their marriages.
This isn’t a new thing as it is what we met coming into the world, with several factors contributing to this. Tuface Idibia, Abolore Akande a.k.a 9ice, Davido, Adeniyi Johnson ( Toyin Aimakhu’s ex-husband), etc. are examples of known celebs who cheated on their partners. For some, their marriage/relationships ended abruptly after the scandal, while for others, ‘they ate their cake and had it’.
Let’s take a look at the possible factors that make men cheat on their partners.
Tradition & Societal Norm
There is a common saying that men are polygamous in nature. It is believed that no man is created to be monogamous in nature. The women are also raised to accept this, even though unwillingly. We’ve heard mothers admonish their daughters for complaining about their cheating husbands. You hear statements like “your father did worse things, at least, he has not brought her home and our marriage is still intact”.
Typically, in a traditional African setting, the wealth and success of a man are measured by the number of women and children he has. Usually, a man with one wife is considered a weakling who does not have what it takes to succeed even in society.
Even in a civilized society, many people believe it is just natural for men to be with more than one woman; this influences the mindset of such a man who won’t think about the feelings of his woman, as long as his craving for other women is satisfied.
A good example in Nigeria is the award-winning musician, Tuface Idibia who unsurprisingly has two women outside his legally married women. In fact, it is a norm for men from his tribe to have more than one woman in their lives.
To crave sexual variety
This is very similar to the first point. Men crave sexual variety, according to David Buss, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of the foreword of The Consuming Instinct (Prometheus Books). “They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.
That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.
“The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [i.e., children] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Dr. Buss says. So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety,” he explains.
Wealth and Success
Success and power are like a magnet that draws women. Women are easily drawn to men of means and power, even without them being attracted to women at all. Every woman desires a man who can provide for and protect her. And this has very little to do with love in most cases. Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunities as they are direct targets for women. When the men don’t put boundaries and discipline to their relationship with these women, they fall easily and invariably cheat on their wives/girlfriends.
Celebs, Politicians, and other public figures are very common people who experience such entanglement.
To express their male dominance
It is often said that this is a man’s world, so men get away with lots of things. To exercise he is a man living in a male-dominated world, a man tends to sleep with other women, at the expense of his current relationship knowing fully there is no repercussion for his actions.
This is common in relationships where the woman (wife or girlfriend) is solely dependent on the man, or is at the mercy of the man for most of her provisions and need.
To explore new things
When a man gets tired of his existing relationship, he feels less committed and looks for other options in a bid of trying new things. Men who feel less committed to their relationships are more likely to cheat on their partners. Unlike women, many men are perfectly capable of emotional dissociation. Such men can feel attached to one woman (usually the wife), lust after another woman, and be romantically involved with another.
An excuse for a breakup
Many men use cheating as an opportunity to hurt their partners so these partners can break up with them. This happens when the man is tired of his relationship, either because of his woman or he has seen another woman he loves. Since many divorces & breakups still arise from an act of infidelity, cheating can be a man’s way of pulling the plug on a marriage or relationship he’s lost interest in.
Religious Beliefs
There are religious beliefs that preach that a man has the license to keep more than one wife. This propels a man who has a serious relationship or marriage to go after other women and would always use his religion as an excuse.
An Unhappy Relationship
Many times when a man is in an unhappy relationship where his partner doesn’t give him the rest of his mind he needs, he tends to look elsewhere for succor. This leads him to seeing another woman with who he vibes and shares an emotional connection. When a man is made to feel inadequate or his ego bruised in his relationship, he looks for the woman who will reciprocate what he wants.
An Unattractive Partner
This can look like a stupid excuse, however, this is one of the major factors men cheat on their spouses. If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy may start looking at other women. Women gain weight, increase in size, develop body fat especially after childbirth and as they age – if they are in relationships with men who are easily attracted to a woman based on physical appearance, the men would cheat on them. A man wants to be proud of the woman she is with, so a woman’s physical appearance can be a big influence in pushing him out of being faithful to her.
Sexual Weakness
For some men, they can’t control themselves around the opposite sex. These men just want to get laid with any woman they find attractive. In that case, he can’t stay faithful to one woman. A contributing factor can be his experience as a teenager especially men who were sexually molested as kids.
Cheating is never a solution!
Remaining faithful to one’s wife or girlfriend has very little to do with sexuality. However, it has more to do with honoring her, making her happy, or fulfilling her expectations. Think about it guy, how would you feel if your partner cheat on you?
If you are unhappy with your partner, why don’t you two discuss it and find a way to making it work; worse, break up and let each party go their different ways. Cheating on her, irrespective of the case is never the solution.